When I was 19, my lovely friend Mark (who is still a good friend) took me on my first proper holiday: four days of soaking up the sun in Cyprus. Like most people, I go darker in serious heat – and the marks take ages to fade.
Being a very body-conscious and slightly exhibitionist teenager, I decided the best way to avoid getting tan lines on holiday would be to sunbathe topless. I’d never done it before though, and I didn’t want to get in trouble for it. I searched online to see whether you were allowed to sunbathe topless in Cyprus, but in the year 2000 the internet wasn’t what it is today, and I couldn’t find an answer.
So I decided there was only one thing for it: I would have to call the Cypriot High Commission.
I dialled the number, and a man with a very deep voice and Greek accent picked up: ‘Hello, Cypriot High Commission?’
‘Hi,’ I said. ‘I’m about to go on holiday to Cyprus, and I want to know if I’m allowed to sunbathe topless on the beach?’
‘Yes, you are,’ the man said, ‘but there is one thing you must do first.’
Get a visa or an official letter of permission, I wondered?
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Let me know when and where you are going, so I can come along!’ the man joked.
I’m pretty sure this exchange would never happen these days, but I laughed.
THE GREAT WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE!
Day 5
Me: 12st 9.4lbs (total loss: 4.8lbs in five days).
John: 14st 5.5lbs (total loss: 2lbs in five days).
I surge even further into the lead! Something tells me John isn’t taking this entirely seriously…
I am, though, as I want to look like this again.
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Ariane Sherine 
I fear I will never look like you in photographs. But I am taking the hormones and trying my best.
I’m trying my best to look like myself in those photographs too!
Aww, c’mon – I’m sure he was just concerned that you might not be using the correct factor of sun lotion.
He was being very thoughtful, agreed!
🤔 Wondering if you enjoyed a successful sunbathing excursion… 😊
Are you commenting from the Cypriot High Commission by any chance?